Oct. 24, 2010
New York, NY
Baseball's New York Yankess, losers in the American League Championship Series, and the Philadelphia Phillies, still choking from a loss last night to the San Francisco Giants in Game Six of the National League Championship Series have decided to play each other in what Major League Baseball is calling The World Sorries.
"Everyone was expecting the Yankees and Phils to be in the World Series," explained Yankees owner George Steinbrenner's Son, "They are the two teams that always make it and their fans expect nothing less. We're not going to let a little thing like losing a pennant or two keep us from making championship money off fans who are too stupid to realize what losers they are."
Ancient Phillies manager Charlie Manuel agrees. "We deserved to win, everyone knew we were going to win, we're entitled to win. Who the hell are these Giants anyway? Buncha pot smoking hippies and fatsos. And their closer dyes his beard! What kind of man does that? A San Francisco pansy, that who! I can't believe we lost to a bunch of fanooks..."
Son of Steinbrenner goes on, "Who is going to watch a World Series without the Yankees or Phillies in it? Nobody, that's who. The Texas Rangers? Hah! There are more Yankee fans in Texas than Ranger fans. Plus, what are we supposed to do with all the extra post season jerseys and caps we ordered? We gotta move that merchandise. We probably have 10,000 "Derek Jeter Was Here" panties to get rid of. And we have some women's panties, too."
The World Sorries games will start three hours before the World Series games and both ball clubs have guaranteed the Sorries will go seven games. "We may even play best of nine, just to be sure," Manuel said, "It depends on how long it takes to get rid of our 'Ryan Howard Struck Out With My Mom' t-shirts."
Fans from both teams are reacting with their normal humility.
"Fuckin' A! REPEAT!" lifelong Yankee fan Phil Otto exclaimed. "We're gonna be post season champs again. I can't wait to kick some Philthy ass. Got my good luck Jeter Thong on already."
Phair weather Phillie Phan Kelly Meagher wants a chance at redemption. "They beat us last year, but we'll get 'em this year. I've been practicing my projectile vomiting and I am ready to be the sorriest fan of the sorriest team in the world and I won't apologize for that."
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