March 26, 2010
Redding, CA.
KQMS radio talk show coot Ray Roberts has come under fire for making a racist comment on-air Thursday and blaming the whole incident on Jimmy Carter.
Roberts, who proudly has no concept of linear time, said he was referring to former President Carter when he chortled "Ronald Reagan wouldn't go into the Oval Office without wearing a coat and tie. Now we have people going in there and eating fried chicken and throwing the bones over their shoulder."
When local members of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People objected to the comment as a racist insult aimed at current President Barack Obama, Roberts cleverly flipped the argument around and accused the NAACP of being the racists.
"What are they talking about?" sputtered Roberts. "Just because I say some folks in the White House are big-lipped, bug-eyed, loose-shoed, jive talking, funny smelling porch monkeys everyone thinks I'm talking about ol' Hussein Osama--I mean Obama. Couldn't be further from the truth. I was talking about Jimmy Carter. Everybody knows he's half Negro."
Roberts also blamed Abraham Lincoln for demeaning the proud Reagan legacy with his "hippie raghead beard" and "the Emancipation Whatchamacallit."
"Did you know Lincoln spit his watermelon seeds all over Nancy Reagan's new rugs? Shameful. He also started that fist bump thing."
Denying that he is a senile old bigot, Roberts continued to explain himself.
"Thomas Jefferson started all this. He used to eat crackers in the Oval Office while legally raping his slaves. Got crumbs all over President Reagan's bible. Then Andrew Jackson had his inauguration party and invited all them Cajuns and whatnot in to dance on Reagan's furniture. A couple of drunk Indians even threw up in Nancy's underwear drawer. That crippled jew lover FDR rolled his wheelchair all over Reagan's carpet and LBJ let his big-eared dogs poop in the Reagan Library."
KQMS General Manager Vince "Huh?" Shadrick is confounded by the uproar.
"The whole thing is just silly," spun Shadrick, doing his best imitation of a White House press secretary. "Ray Roberts is no more a racist than, say, Archie Bunker or Ty Cobb. Ray doesn't have a racist bone in his body. Well, maybe that one time he let Rush Limbaugh put a fat finger up his ass. Heeeey-ooooooh! Nope. His bones are clearly not racist. His lungs hate camel jockeys, his spleen doesn't care for chinamen, and his liver downright detests the japs. His bones, however, have nothing but love for everyone."
KQMS has blamed the entire incident on the Redding Record-Searchlight reporter who brought attention to the comment in his blog.
"Bruce Ross?" Roberts snorted when informed that someone was actually listening to his show. "Who trusts a guy with two first names? And just because I said something that was racist doesn't mean I'm a racist. Accusing an old white man of being a racist because he says racist things is just racist. Got you there, didn't I, Mr. Smarty Liberal? Now leave me alone--I need to paint my lawn jockey."
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