April 16, 2010
State of Mind
Former Goldwater Republican and beloved author of the widely read marijuana manifesto
The Emperor Wears No Clothes, Jack Herer, has finally died from smoking pot every day at the age of 70.
Medical marijuana patients, recreational users, hemp advocates and cannabis lovers in the northstate and around the world who believed in the man known as
The Emperor of Hemp, The Hemperor, The Father of the Legalization Movement, and
Hey, Man are shocked, saddened, and disillusioned by his passing.
"If Jack Herer can die, then anyone who smokes marijuana can die," said Red Bluff medicinal use spokesdude Jason "Green" Browne. "It really shakes me to the core. I'm gonna have to burn a bowl and twist my head around this one for awhile. Maybe I'll just grow up and become a drunk."
"It's what I've been saying for years," countered blathering reefer hater and Red Bluff Daily news blah-blah-blogger Don Pullsitoutoffhisass. "Pot kills, plain and simple. Take one toke and you're hooked forever. Even if all pot smokers don't become heroin addicts or homosexuals, they all eventually die. That's a scientific fact I made up a long time ago, before I unbelieved in science."
Herer, who died yesterday in Oregon, had been in failing health since becoming old. He is survived by his wife Jeannie, six children, some peeps who were hanging at his crib, and a bitchin' strain of the chronic that probably costs more today than it did yesterday. His ashes will be used for fertilizer.
Stoners around the globe will pause at 4:20 before coughing out a bong hit in Herer's honor.
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