Dec. 23, 2009
Orland, CA.
Clem and Violet Teabag of Orland say it must be the economy or the fear of a foreign-born socialist negro president or both, but they just don’t feel like watching all their favorite Christmas movies this year.
“We’ve watched ‘Christmas Story’, of course,” said Violet, a sturdy woman who used to be a crossing guard near the kindergarten before getting fat enough to be disabled, “but that’s about it. I started watching ‘Charlie Brown Christmas’, but I turned it off when they started dancing around like a bunch of Cannanites. Usually I can just pray through that part, but I didn’t feel strong enough.”
“I don’t know why, but we ain’t even watched Rudolph the Reindeer,” said Clem, looking at his spindly unemployed hands as if they would hold the answer.
“’It’s A Wonderful Life’ came on and I just wanted to kill myself,” sobbed Violet. “That happens every time I watch that movie,” admitted Clem. He quickly changed the subject. “What I can’t understand is howcum we ain’t watched ‘Miracle on 34th Street’--just because we can't afford to shop for Christmas doesn't mean we can't get some joy out of watching other people do it.”
While Violet answered a phone call about some fighting chickens the couple has for sale,
Clem confided that he sometimes watches “How The Grinch Stole Christmas” after his wife goes to bed on Christmas Eve. “Hope I feel like doing that this year. I love the part where they sing. I only ever went to one rock and roll concert in my life and that was because they said The Whos was gonna be there--but they never played their Christmas song. And they didn’t look like the Whos--they looked like a bunch of ugly girls.”
With still three days until Christmas Violet Teabag hopes they get around to viewing their favorite holiday specials before it's too late. "Who knows if 'White Christmas' will even be legal next year?," she whispered, mindful that the enemies of Jesus are everywhere.
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