Jan. 31, 2010
Hollywood, CA
Unbearably pompous stage hog Kanye West, obviously dying to get his new haircut on the news, jumped onstage and ass-raped Miley Cyrus while she was accepting the Grammy for "Douchiest Dad".
West grabbed the mic from the 17-year-old non-virgin, saying, "Imma let you finish...me in your mouth!" and immediately ripped her tear-away panties off and climbed on.
Screaming something about how Beyonce's dad was much douchier, West fought off professional seat fillers Stevie Nicks and Dionne Warwick on his way to the front row, decking Nicks with a nasty left hook and straight-arming Warwick while she raked at him with her scaly talons.
Audience members were at a loss as to what to say, other than to comment on his lack of originality. "Ugh - this is so last September," moaned perennial chameleon Madonna, who was receiving botox injections at the awards show in an effort to "be real".
After ten or fifteen long seconds of tapping Cyrus's ass, West got the audience back on his side when he reached into his pants and flung fecal matter into the crowd. "Wow," cried Lady Gaga, "I am so glad I am wearing a mask! This is awesome!"
Britney Spears, never one to be outdone, immediately shit her own pants and made out with Miley Cyrus, but it was already considered passe.
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