Dec. 15, 2009
Forty years after he died in front of a national audience of shocked children, mystery still swirls around the death of the fast-living, much loved Frosty the Snowman.
Was it simply the heat of the sun melting his compacted snow physiology or did Frosty have a dirty little secret?
Running through red lights, ignoring the police, taunting them to chase him. Fans of Frosty always thought his behavior was the harmless fun of a pile of pure, driven snow.
But according to internet gadfly Juanita Sumner, Frosty was a crack smoker who would do almost anything to get his next pipeful of “ice”.
Sumner writes in her online rant “Dashing Through The Snow” that Frosty lived in fear every day would be his last. Especially the hot ones. He tried to cover up that fear by spreading joy and happiness wherever he went. When that wasn’t enough, according to Sumner, he would find some bad kids to buy drugs from and go on a city-wide spree of vandalism and cop-baiting.
Frosty biographer Steve Kreckel, author of “Down The Drain: The True Story of Frosty the Snowman,” contends the cocaine theory is overblown.
“I believe Frosty died of a meltdown. Period.,” insists Kreckel. “He was an early victim of global warming plain and simple. He tried to warn us by sacrificing his own life.”
Former vice-president and jet setting climate change guru Al Gore says evidence that Frosty was a pioneer in the global warming debate is inconclusive.
“Frosty’s meltdown may have been self-induced--until I build my time machine we’ll never know for sure. What we do know is that if Frosty were alive today he’d still be dead because of global warming.”
Frosty’s magic hat was recently sold at auction for $10,000 to the reclusive Pumpkin King Jack Skellington. His pipe has never been found.
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