February 9, 2010
Redding, CA.
After cutting down several trees near the Redding Convention Center with her own chainsaw as an adoring crowd cheered, former Governor of Alaska and current Quitter on Twitter Sarah Palin staged two shows for the annual Sierra Cascades Logging Conference yesterday.
The first performance, a 3 p.m. matinee "for the children", played to a sold-out crowd of infant-like teabaggers and other crybabies who couldn't get enough of Palin's word juggling, baton twirling, and Ronald Reagan imitations.
"Her wuz purty," said slow adult and Teabag Party member Harlan Scat. "Me want her to be president and princess."
Homemaker and mother of eight Pearlie Hurley was also happy to see that Palin's young daughter Piper had accompanied her. "She's not even pregnant yet," Hurley pointed out proudly, "Maybe she should run with her mother in twenty-ought-twelve."
That comment prompted many of the nearby mouth-breathers to begin enthusiastically chanting "Palin/Piper in 2012" until some other shiny object caught their attention.
The evening performance started at 7 p.m. and was much more ribald. Palin spiced her comments with folksy curse words, flashed her tits (where she had obviously written most of her notes), and ended with a striptease to "God Bless America" that included a lap dance for local conservative radio host Ray "Demento" Roberts.
Several lucky ticket holders gushed about the experience. Gladys Terdmacher was inspired by Palin's speech, saying "It was probably the most uplifting thing I have ever attended in Redding, and I go to Hot August Nights every year."
Her husband, Vernon Terdmacher, sporting an obvious boner, agreed. "I'm a retired logger and I haven't had so much wood in my pants since I rode the splinter belt at the mill."
Grover Saggyballs, who bought tickets for both shows, said he felt the evening performance was the best.
"She read the same words, but she said them a lot better. She even showed us her hand, where her husband had written her name and phone number so she wouldn't get lost. She's just like us," added Saggyballs before boarding the small bus which would take him back to his special home.
As a crowd of 2000 energized, smiling supporters filed out from the last show, a small ragged group of concerned, pitiful, aging, sad-faced, liberal-smelling rain-soaked protesters carried soggy smeared signs exposing their obvious Bolshevik bias toward the former Governor of Alaska, who would still have months left on her term if she hadn't quit by not quitting. Some of the signs were still readable by the end of the night:
"WOLVES ARE PEOPLE TOO!"
"GLOBAL WARMING IS MORE REAL THAN YOU"
"WILL YOU HAVE MY FUNNY LOOKING BABY?"
"HOW'D THAT FAKEY-QUITTY THING WORK OUT FOR YA?"
Meadow Sourpuss, who led the group protesting Palin's appearance, was unapologetic. "I have no idea what she's saying in there. I just know I'm against it. Would you please sign my email list?"
Congressman Wally Herger (R-Chico), who was in Redding for a good teabagging himself last month, attended the evening show and said he thinks Palin is "Neat-o keen, by golly. She's really grabbing the bullshit by the horns and throwing it all over everybody." He then excused himself before the rain washed all the shoe polish out of his hair.
After the show, Palin signed copies of her book "Going Retard" and posed for pictures with a cardboard cut-out of herself before retiring to a private party at former Redding mayor and eternal power monger Ken Murray's trailer.
For more on the Quiiter on Twitter's visit to Redding read Liz Merry's
"I Can See Sarah Palin From My House"Related article:
Wally Herger Gets TeabaggedCommentReturn To ArchivesReturn To Merry Standish Standard Main Page
